Leaving New York for love in Mexico seemed like a good idea at the time.
sometimes, if love is lacking, we use food as a substitute.
Not that things were perfect. My boyfriend didn’t always come home at night. Sometimes he got so drunk, he couldn’t speak. Sometimes we fought about his drinking. He’d point out that I’d known about the drinking. I’d known who he was. So what was my problem? I hated that argument because it was unsophisticated, but also because it had merit. Sometimes he’d promise to stop drinking, then start drinking again the same day. He’d check out other women in front of me, and I’d try to laugh it off.
Back in Mexico, I took to counting: how many steps, how many ounces of water, how many calories, how much sleep. It was easier to focus on units of measurement than on reckoning with myself. It was easier to count steps than to count the hours until my boyfriend came home or the number of beers he was drinking, to track how much time I spent worrying about his life instead of my own.
Within a couple of months, the FitBit, like every self-help book I’ve ever read, wound up forgotten in a drawer.I took a leap of faith. My new life is so much better.My new life stopped working, but I didn't want to go backwards, so I started over again.
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