Jezebel columnist cannibal witch is so humbled to be considered hot, and hopes to be an inspiration to others
I wanted to take a moment to address my supporters, but I have to confess that I’m struggling to find the right words. I’m overwhelmed, which I hope you can understand. I live ain a remote forest, so you can imagine my surprise when a drone-captured image of me eating a small child at the entrance of my cave went viral. I was doubly surprised that upon seeing the image, people on the internet concluded that they wanted to fuck me.
And as much as I’m at the center of all of this attention right now, I think it’s important to give a shoutout to the women who came before me and lit my path. To women like Ivanka Trump, Border Patrol Chief Carla Provost, and countless others I am surely forgetting to name —please know that I stand on your shoulders. This moment is ours to share.
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