The misogynist trope of “hysterical woman out for revenge” is used by coercive controlling abusers. Some women lose custody of their children.
“The judge had already decided I’m a scorned ex-wife, out to get my ex and alienate my daughter against her father,” said one mother fighting for custody. “It can only be explained by gender bias.”. The underlying stereotype of the scorned woman seen in popular media is very much alive in the U.S. family court system.Fatal Attraction
“It’s insane. I sat there at our last custody hearing realizing the judge had already decided I’m a scorned ex-wife, out to get my ex and alienate my daughter against her father,” said Diana, a doctor whose ex-husband is trying to get full custody of their child, and name has been changed to protect her identity. “This happened even though there was so much evidence of his abuse from a counselor, teacher and other factual data. How can you disregard this? It can only be explained by gender bias.
“The second thing is it’s more comfortable to accept the explanation that women are crazy, rather than that many men are violent,” she said. “Statistics about fathers being violent against women and children are super high and judges see the most conflictual cases—so an even higher proportion of violence. But it’s difficult for them to believe that all these men are violent. … It simply cannot be true. Judges cling to the idea that domestic abuse is rare and an exception.
It’s more comfortable to accept the explanation that women are crazy, rather than that many men are violent. Her solution to gender bias in court? It’s simple. “Hold the judges accountable and make it possible for people to sue the judge,” she said. “That’s how doctors stay in place. We know if we do something wrong, there are repercussions. Right now, there are none for judges and that’s how this misogyny lives on.”Healing From an Abusive Relationship: The Ms. Q&A With Psychotherapist Amira Martin
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