A woman seeks advice on how to navigate her husband's strict rule forbidding children's friends from entering their home. While he allows them to play outside, she worries about the social impact on their 11-year-old children and the imbalance of parenting responsibilities.
My husband has told our kids they cannot have any friends inside of our home. They can play in the front yard and that is it. I don’t know how to tackle this, or what to say when it’s our “turn” to host our kids’ friends. I’ve been hosting the friends to movies, arcades, etc., but never in our home. My husband is retired and seems to prefer always being home and away from others. I accepted this when we married because he is fine with me going and being around people, if needed.
We didn’t have children until we’d been married for several years and now, I’m worried that our kids will suffer from this odd (in my opinion) rule. His family did not have what I consider traditional habits like eating meals together, spending holidays together or things that my kids and family enjoy. I don’t want to alienate my husband by forcing him to help host other kids. I love him and understand he’s not very people-y, but I also want my kids to be able to play the host role. I think this is an important social skill (they are 11 years old). Any suggestions? Part of this is about negotiating the shared responsibility of parenting. I worry that you’re taking on more of that responsibility than you should have to and that your husband, perhaps, isn’t supporting you in the shared goal of making sure your children develop socially. If you both agree that having friends will help your children, feel a sense of belonging, develop cognitively and improve their social skills, and that being able to know your children’s friends will help you both be better parents, then you owe it to each other to talk about how that can happen. Maybe he feels that he’s already done enough by allowing friends in the yard. It would be helpful to point out that you’re still planning outings. Is this something that he can help with or initiate on his own? Many parents are introverted and/or don’t want a house full of their kids’ friends. That’s perfectly fine
FAMILY LIFE PARENTING SOCIAL SKILLS COMMUNICATION RELATIONSHIPS
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