Enhancing both self-compassion and compassion for others is essential for reducing anger contagion when responding to others' anger.
, I’m able to listen to so many individuals voice so much anger. “Don’t you get tired of it?” “Don’t you want to just tell them to calm down or get over it!” “Does it make you angry?”that is part of being human. And I learned to differentiate experiencing and sitting with it as an emotion from acting out my anger in the form of aggression. This differentiation is a major awareness for constructively managing it.
Additionally, another guideline I’ve learned is to remember that anger is in almost all cases a reaction to and distraction from even more uncomfortable emotions—such as forms of hurt,outward on the situation or toward individuals whom we believe to be the cause of such anger. By redirecting our attention outward, we are engaging in “emotional avoidance,” taking flight from the suffering behind our anger.
With this in mind, I work with clients from my perspective that we are all children, doing our best to be an adult in this challenging life. There have been times when I visualize them as a child, not in a demeaning way, but to help me to not get hooked with the intensity of their emotions. I imagine them as children who are suffering and having a very difficult time.
Being human, we have the capacity for anger and compassion. Certainly, there are times when anger is called for, constructively managed in an effort to overcome injustice and to protect our lives and the lives of others.Regardless of how compassionate we are, each of us has the capacity to make compassion a more significant part of our lives.
As he came closer, I found myself being especially critical of a certain physical feature he possessed. Because I had already made a commitment to compassion, I quickly found myself saying, “Bernie—is that really necessary?” The tone of thator anger, compassion is contagious. When we are compassionate toward the anger of others, we become less prone to such contagion. It helps us to feel grounded regardless of what they are experiencing or expressing.
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