This five-step plan helps reverse the damage of daily punishments, corrections, and teasing. So very important.
and makes his mind light up. You can ‘play’ while making your bed, imagining the sheets to be ghosts or the walls of billowy caverns. You can ‘play’ at solving a geometry problem, as you tinker with one proof after another until the most elegant one pops out.
You can even ‘play’ picking up dog poop in the backyard, as my son, Tucker, does. He races with our Jack Russell terrier, plastic bag in hand, picking up one pile after the next. When children play, they discover the world and what kind of mind they have, what they love, and what they want to do more of. They grow. They develop feelings of “I can do it” and “I want to do it,” the feelings of looking forward to tomorrow. Such feelings are strong predictors of a happy life, far more significant than top grades or trophies won on sporting fields.Take my 15-year-old son, Jack, for instance. I gave him anlast Christmas. It is an aluminum contraption, with hydrofoil wings and fiberglass springs, that allows you to fly across the water by hopping up and down on pedals. Last summer, he assembled it and took it for its maiden voyage on our favorite lake. He sank — many times. But he kept at it. He began to get better. Jack’s persistence with the AquaSkipper spilled over into other areas of his life. Too many parents, teachers, and coaches make the mistake of jumping in at this point — skipping steps 1 and 2. When problems arise, they ask the child to try harder, to practice, practice, practice. Asking a child with ADHD to try harder is like asking a nearsighted person to squint harder. Eyeglasses work better. Creating a connected childhood and opening up opportunities to play provide the eyeglasses. Once they are in place, the cycle of excellence runs on automatic pilot.As Jack found out, mastering an activity that is challenging and important is critical to future success. I’m not saying that a child has to become the best at something. Being the best is the false idol our culture worships. What matters is making progress.a child’s self-esteem and confidenceMastery is also a powerful motivator. Parents ask me, “How can I motivate my child?” The answer is to set him up to achieve mastery — to make progress — at an activity that is challenging and important to him. Any child or adult wants to do more of what he gets better at. But trying to master an activity can have a downside. If, try as your child might, he doesn’t get better and only feels frustration, this step can become a confidence buster, a de-motivator.. Every child can get better at just about everything, given encouragement and tutelage.Once a child masters a problem, give him recognition for it. As Jack mastered riding the AquaSkipper, family and friends congratulated him on his progress. Jack beamed. It was great to see. By recognition, I do not mean awarding him a prize or a lead role in the school play. I mean that someone — a teacher, teammate, parent, or friend — gives him a pat on the back or a silent nod, some word or gesture to let him know that the person notices and appreciates the progress he has made. Such recognition solidifies the confidence, self-esteem, and motivation that mastery engendered. It also connects the child to the person or group who recognized him. The single most important treatment for ADHD — or for any child, at any age — is to enter into this cycle of excellence. It’s open to everyone, everywhere, always. Parents shouldn’t worry as much about grades as about their child’s progress in this cycle. A child may get poor grades in school, but still be in the cycle of excellence. His future is bright. Another child may get top grades but be living a disconnected, joyless childhood. Needless to say, his future is not as bright. I urge you to take this cycle seriously and use it in your child’s everyday life. It is the most reliable way to unwrap your child’s gifts while helping him develop self-esteem, confidence, desire, enthusiasm, friendliness, and even moral rectitude., by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., and Peter S. Jensen, M.D. © 2009 by Edward M. Hallowell, M.D., and Peter S. Jensen, M.D.
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