How to navigate the tricky situation when your partner isn't out of the closet and you are, and it's affecting your relationship.
I have been out of the closet since my late teens. My girlfriend is not out. Her best friend knows she’s gay, but, colleagues, or most of her friend group know. When we go out, she won’t hold my hand or show any PDA. We live in a very LBGT-friendly city so there is not a threat to our safety. She tells me it’s more that she’s worried about telling her parents. But her company is having a summer BBQ where people bring their partners and families, and she doesn’t feel comfortable bringing me.
Not being able to share important life events, family, friends and work experiences prevents two people from being able to fully share their lives together. This prevents deep emotional intimacy from taking place. Part of what helps us know our partner really well is seeing them in different circumstances and getting to know the people they care about. When one, this can’t take place and puts the couple at a disadvantage.
In my clinical experience, coming out is a development process. There is a level of strength and maturity that needs to be in place before taking this step. Also, having a strong support system goes a long way. One must have a certain level of autonomy and individuation to take the chance of a parent disapproving or, worse yet, abandoning the relationship. Unfortunately, your role in that process is pretty limited.
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