How unresolved trauma and fear of abandonment can undermine relationships—and what to do about it
1. Unresolved trauma
If we grew up in an abusive, neglectful, or otherwise unhealthy family, we were probably handed certain implicit roles, often for survival. We may have hador abusive parents who shamed us, physically abused us, or emotionally neglected us. Or we may have had a parent who enabled others in the family to continue cycles of self-defeating behavior, including their own.
These wounds are what get carried with us as self-sabotaging behavior. We often recreate the same patterns in our adult relationships that were modeled and conditioned for us in our, including messages of not feeling worthy, fearing abandonment, or believing maladaptive mindsets that were taught as normal. Eventually, we wind up turning to more misery as “comfortable” or “familiar.”
Growing up in a hostile environment, there are often unspoken expectations that we aren’t allowed to grow as our own person, or to question the status quo of the. Because of this, we can become unconsciously tied to these dynamics that perpetuate what we were taught as kids, which reinforces our role in the family.
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