The best way to instill empathy is to demonstrate it.
Smoke rises following Israeli bombardment on Gaza City, Sunday, Oct. 29, 2023. While driving my twin 6-year-olds to Sunday school, I shut off the radio as soon as I heard the talk-show hosts mention the Israel-Hamas War. My ever-so-curious children, however, caught just enough of the radio segment to put down their “science journals” and bring up the war.
This missed opportunity prompted me to seek ways for parents to help their children navigate sensitive subjects. I directand Hammel Family Human Rights Initiative. We provide professional learning to K-12 educators on the effective instruction of difficult topics, which exist in the curricula, and issues, which bubble up in the news and community. So, I reexamined our approach through a father’s lens.
As best you can, identify and put aside your biases. Focus on what’s best for your children. That means continually prioritizing their safety and development. Slide everything else, such as tribal inclinations and intellectual convictions, down the list. If you decide to discuss a difficult issue with your kids, learn and/or verify the main facts for yourself in advance. Then, resist taking the easy route by just offering information. Instead, initiate a two-way conversation. Ask open-ended questions about their interest in, knowledge of, and feelings about the subject. Discuss the emotions’ effects on understanding and judgment.
Trust your children. They can handle complexity. They deal with it daily in various aspects of their lives. Embolden them to explore the difficult issue for themselves. Some may opt to reflect quietly. Avoid my car-ride mistake and let them. Other kids may prefer a hands-on approach. They may make art, journal, read books, write stories, and/or explore in other ways. Allow them to determine if they wish to do so alone or with you and/or others.
Such exploration can spur kids to hone their critical thinking, fact-finding, and active-listening skills, as well as gain empathy.
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