How my grandma’s Swiss roll helped me cope with losing her.
I know what you're thinking: how can dessert cure grief?I lost my mother and maternal grandmother before I could walk down the aisle. My mother died first, suddenly, and my grandmother took over her role as acting mother. She passed away many years later, at a much slower, more excruciating pace. My brother and I watched helplessly as age and Parkinson’s ravaged her body and mind. Losing one parent is bad, but losing two parental figures at an early age—or any age—is indescribable.
The chocolate Swiss roll had three layers: chocolate buttercream on the outside, chocolate sponge cake on the inside, and vanilla buttercream in the center. At every Jewish holiday, I’d make a beeline for it before we even got through dinner. My mother would try holding me back, but somehow, my grandmother always managed to sneak me a sliver of the cake before we started dinner. This was how she loved me.
It was the last year of her life, by which point my grandmother didn’t cook anymore, drive anymore, or do much of anything at all She never needed a recipe—everything was either memorized or made up—but somehow everything still worked within the exacting parameters of baking. Not only did it work, but it invariably turned out to be one of the best things we ever ate.
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