'I thought: if I just helped my friends, colleagues and neighbors, maybe I’d get the connection I craved in love, work and life,' writes journalist Gina Ryder.
For most of my life, bedtime meant rumination. I’d agonize over a crush. I’d analyze work emails in my mind, wondering how I made a coworker feel. I’d ponder a friend’s depression, a family member’s extended job search and whether my elderly neighbor felt lonely. It was lonely and exhausting.shows that caring about others positively impacts our well-being).
If a codependent is attached to an alcoholic, for example, they may focus all their energy on helping their loved one get or stay sober. Or they may stay home because they think it will help their partner avoid the temptation to drink. In this definition, codependents follow a dysfunctional relationship pattern. They are only OK if the other person is OK.
After thinking through my own pattern of behaviors, I realized that yes -- I had some codependent ways of relating to the world, especially with my propensity toward worrying about others. I thought: if I just helped my friends, colleagues and neighbors, maybe I’dHow to break free from codependent relationships
When we derive value from supporting others to the detriment of our own health, we risk the quality of our relationships. To break out of this pattern, try shifting the focus from others to ourselves. Here are a few ways to do that.If you think you might be codependent, talk to a therapist who can help you explore and change your behaviors. You can also join a support group.Before we rescue, caretake or worry too much about others, Beattie says to consider your motivations.
With the help of a therapist and support groups, I began to unpack my relationships. I realized that my codependency tricked me into thinking that closeness is achieved through performing care. But I learned that true care is mutual. Little by little, I stopped losing sleep counting the ways I should give. The audio portion of this episode was reported by Gina Ryder, produced by Margaret Cirino and edited by Meghan Keane and Malaka Gharib.
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