Here’s how some adoptive and foster families are observing Mother’s Day
Mother’s Day can be tricky for the adoption and foster care communities. There’s no script for how to acknowledge your child’s birth mom, or for explaining to your adoptive mom why you’re sad at Mother’s Day brunch. You’re not going to find chocolates marketed to birth parents, cards for adoptive parents still grieving pregnancy loss, bears for adoptees who miss their birth moms, or banners for families headed by dads.
I don’t observe Birth Mother’s Day, which is the day before Mother’s Day. I hate it, actually. I feel like it’s like a slap in the face to birth mothers—like, why can’t we just celebrate Mother’s Day? Why do we have to have this designated, made-up day that no one knows about except birth mothers? Birth parents are often overlooked or forgotten, and we get treated differently. But we’re mothers, too.
I think this year might be a little bit different, because our relationship has grown and I know her a little bit better. But it is a difficult note to write. Part of it is that I express gratitude for making this wonderful little boy who brings so much joy to everyone around him. And I let her know how honored we are to be a part of his experience right now. This year, I might add a bit more in recognizing that Mother’s Day may bring complicated emotions for her.
Mother’s Day means honoring the mother figures in our life, and I’m not the only mother to exist, not in my kids’ life or in our family’s life. So Mother’s Day is an opportunity to make the moms in our life feel seen and loved. And obviously, as adoptive parents, it is often about helping our kids process the different roles of moms in their life.
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