The pandemic has exacerbated difficult decisions for those in relationships.
Public health has to be practical, otherwise it doesn't work, said Dr. William Schaffner of the National Foundation for Infectious Diseases.As states begin to gradually reopen, many of us are considering how to readjust to a new normal and what behaviors and activities we're comfortable with resuming.
Often, couples must work together to make these decisions, especially during a time where our own decisions can more seriously affect the health of people who are close to us. Coming to these decisions collectively can be especially challenging for couples and parents amid the pandemic if each person assesses risk differently. Learning to approach these disagreements in a healthy way helps minimize conflicts and promotes a healthier relationship in the long run. "There's a lot of unpredictability during this time, and there is a lot of room for people to have different views," said Paula Pietromonaco, Ph.D., a social psychology professor at the University of Massachusetts Amherst who studies how partner's emotional and physical health shapes interpersonal dynamics. A couple waits for their relatives at the Municipal Pantheon of Ciudad Nezahualcoyotl, in State of Mexico on June 3, 2020. A couple waits for their relatives at the Municipal Pantheon of Ciudad Nezahualcoyotl, in State of Mexico on June 3, 2020.The first important step when raising an issue about what you think your family should do, Pietromonaco emphasized, is to start with what she called a"soft opening." She advises raising an issue in a way that"shows you want to communicate it, thinking about how we can negotiate without blaming a family member or partner."This opening allows you and your partner to identify the origin of the conflict. Are you disagreeing about the size of the risk or how many risks you're willing to take? Once you introduce your concerns and voice what actions would make you feel more comfortable and safe, Pietromonaco said it's essential to listen to your partner and understand their perspective.Janine Domingues, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute, said that a part of that understanding is validating their emotions. Stylist Kayla Addink arranges items in her workspace Thursday, June 4, 2020, as she prepares for her first day back on the job at the West View Barber Shop when most of southwest Pennsylvania loosens COVID-19 restrictions on Friday in West View, Pa. Stylist Kayla Addink arranges items in her workspace Thursday, June 4, 2020, as she prepares for her first day back on the job at the West View Barber Shop when most of southwest Pennsylvania loosens COVID-19 restrictions on Friday in West View, Pa.This can be as simple as identifying out loud your partner's emotions and opening up the potential for compromise by finding common ground, Domingues added."People are concerned about getting sick, and some of these discussions may get pretty heated," said Pietromonaco."Talking in a constructive way requires a lot of effort, cognitive and emotional resources, and it's a good idea to avoid having a discussion when either you or your partner is already depleted." Domingues advised"having a designated time where there's no distractions. You don't have to necessarily come to a conclusion right there and there you can schedule another time to come back and have another discussion." Pietromonaco noted how these disagreements may be even harder for couples who are also parents and must decide together what's best for the whole family. Should they visit grandparents? Are children allowed to see their friends or leave home for summer camp? Emily Oster, Ph.D., a professor of economics at Brown University and author of multiple books on parenting and pregnancy, created a risk assessment framework for family decisions and parents around1. Frame the question
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