'Let Me At That Fucker,' Says Branch Of Knowledge
History added that while it often takes decades for it to accurately parse the accomplishments and shortcomings of a presidency, it’s “good to go on this one” and vowed to jump at the first chance it gets to take a definitive position on the former commander-in-chief’s leadership abilities and the substance of his policies in light of readily available data on the U.S. debt, the environment, citizens’ standard of living, and outcomes of foreign conflicts.
“By the time that son of a bitch was reelected in 2004, I was already itching to parallel the Iraq War and the Vietnam War in rigorous intellectual detail,” said the academic study of the past, noting that it is equally impatient to compare and contrast the administration’s response to Hurricane Katrina with previous disaster relief efforts.
History went on to say that it had already sized up numerous aspects of the Bush legacy for in-depth scholarly appraisal, admitting that it was eager to “have its way” with Bush’s stances on stem cells, drilling in the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, the near doubling of the national debt, the Battle of Tora Bora, warrantless wiretapping by the NSA, the nomination of Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court, Medicare Part D, and the 2003 “Mission Accomplished” speech.
“Do you have any idea how many times I’ve wanted to just say ‘fuck it’ and issue a definitive ranking of George W. Bush’s presidency?” asked the chronicle of all human events. “But at least the longer I wait, the more I’ll be able to savor my evaluation of the Bush era’s political, economic, and societal impacts when the time finally comes to rate this cocksucker. God only knows what’ll happen when I start doing that.
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