It's tempting to argue with the cognitive distortions and aggressive behavior of high-conflict people, but it is pointless. Instead, focus on positive self-talk and set limits.
Setting limits with possible consequences in a calm tone of voice can stop some high-conflict behavior.
High-conflict people tend to be preoccupied with blaming others, have a lot of “all-or-nothing” thinking, often have unmanaged emotions, and may engage in extreme behavior that 90% of people would never do. Such people tend to have traits ofMany people display such behavior with or without having a personality disorder, which often leads them into intense or prolonged conflicts with others.
However, you have control over what you tell yourself. In order not to absorb the high-conflict intensity, it often helps to tell yourself “It’s not about me! It’s about their lack of self-skills.” Or: “No one deserves to be treated this way, even if they made a mistake.” Silently telling yourself these statements can help a lot.) on a regular basis. “I’m doing a good job.” “I don’t have to accept this criticism.” “I have friends. A lot of people like me.
Feeling tempted to argue with a high-conflict person is one way to recognize that you are emotionally hooked. This means that your defensive brain wants to protect you from the HCP’s behavior by getting them to stop or change. But your emotional reactions may engage the person in a further emotional exchange, rather than stopping it.Instead of arguing, think about setting limits matter-of-factly. If the person cannot stop himself or herself, then you may wonder whether to respond.
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