''Dad needs an STD check,' I said to my brother, our father’s health care proxy, worried about Dad’s health given, his propensity and condition.'
"'Dad needs an STD check,' I said to my brother, our father’s health care proxy, worried about Dad’s health given, his propensity and condition."“Dad needs an STD check,” I said to my brother, our father’s health care proxy, worried about Dad’s health, given his propensity and condition. Dad, a handsome widower after 51 years of marriage, was 87 and suffering from dementia.
I quickly grew weary of caring for Dad. In an instant he could go from a smart, sassy man, making jokes and telling war stories, into a 4-year-old throwing temper tantrums. He refused to zip his coat despite freezing temperatures, carried wads of cash around stores instead of putting the money in his wallet and rejected cups of coffee not filled to the brim, which he spilled after shouting, “More, more, more.” I learned to distract him with cookies I had begun to carry in my purse.
Dad settled into his new home. He bowled, played cards and met with the veterans’ coffee group, but happy hour became his favorite activity. Dad soon spoke of a girlfriend, Ellen, a petite woman with short-cropped hair. I congratulated my father, not knowing how else to respond to his excitement, and he informed me the marriage would take place in December.“No. We’re old.” Dad said Ann was only three months younger than him. They were of similar age and mental capacity.
Nonetheless, as Mom’s health declined, I witnessed Dad care for her, taking her to the bathroom day and night. Mom told me I needed a man who did what Dad did, meaning put her on the potty. She assured me I could do everything else I needed by myself.The author and her dad at her niece's wedding rehearsal in St. Louis in August 2019.
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