DearPrudie: I’ve tried talking about it, but she claims it makes her “too stressed” and “too angry to talk about.”
My older, and only, sibling died by suicide a few months ago. I wasn’t very close with my sibling or my parents, in part because my sibling struggled with an untreated mental illness and my parents grew angry whenever anyone suggested treatment. Eventually, distance and therapy helped me accept the limits of my relationship with my family.
Now my father is pushing for us to spend more time together. I know he’s grieving. But I don’t want to. I’m heartbroken over the wasted opportunities for help and don’t feel like I know my parents anymore. I don’t want to reminisce about my sibling with them. We have very little in common except our grief. What’s my obligation here? I’ve already suggested therapy to help them process this more than once.
Sometimes I think he plays dumb to prolong a conversation, like asking if it’s possible to buy plane tickets online . I can empathize, but it gets draining. What are my rights and what are my obligations? I want to be helpful when I can. But I don’t want to worry that he’s about to pop up in front of our window carrying our trash cans when I’m trying to relax at home.
Think of this sort of intervention as an entirely morally and relationally neutral correction, like letting someone know they’re about to step off a curb, or that the door they’re trying to open is push instead of pull. The more often you do it, the easier it will become. His niceness is not the question, and being neighborly does not mean “doing whatever my neighbor wants whenever he sees me.
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