DearPrudie: I’m content with the very 'uneven' division of labor in my relationship.
My mother has a boundaries problem. I am in my mid-twenties and independence means a lot to me, but it feels like she’s stripping me of my agency! Here are some examples of ways she has trampled my boundary in the past seven days alone. My apartment’s leasing office kept sending us incorrect versions of the lease we needed to renew. She asked me if she could call them. I clearly said “no; I can do this.” She called anyway and only told me afterwards .
Some of it will come as you two separate your finances—it sounds like she’s cosigner on your lease and has access to your bank accounts; that won’t always be the case, and those kinds of actual boundaries will help you to feel more independent. Prior to that, however, you should try reframing your no’s as positives you’re excited about.
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