DearPrudie: How much do I share with the caregiver?
My knee-jerk reaction is that this is a major issue and if you don’t want to live in the same place, you’re simply not compatible and you should call it all off. For most couples, not wanting to live in the same country as your future spouse is a deal-breaker, with no middle-ground options. And a divorce over this conflict, if it comes to that, will be an expensive, emotionally taxing hassle.
, where Lavery will be chatting with special guests, doling out advice, and talking about feelings, from the monumental to the minute. New episodes every Tuesday and Friday.My fiancé has been divorced for two years. He has shared custody of his 7-year-old daughter, “Cat,” and I have an 8-year-old girl. We have been trying to slowly integrate our girls into the new family situation. Cat has a bedroom at my house, and her father is maintaining his apartment until the lease runs out.
You can decide not to marry him if you really don’t like the sacrifices he’s making to care for them and the effects they have on your family. That would be totally fair, and it’s what you should do if you truly never want to deal with these children. But to stay together, I would suggest doing two things. First, let a little bit of your husband’s compassion rub off on you. He’s offering love to innocent children who really need it and support to his ex who took them in.
Free yourself of these worries. The way you know you’re meant to be with someone is that they treat you well and make you happy and everything falls into place. I think “relationships are work” is one of the most damaging messages out there, because it can be misinterpreted to cover a lot of stuff that nobody should put up with.
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