Jenée Desmond-Harris and Joel Anderson discuss a letter about friendly advice gone south.
I have been friends with another attorney for several years now. We both graduated law school about the same time and practiced in the same field of law. During and after the immediate aftermath of the pandemic, her employer couldn’t pay a full-time salary and moved her to a part-time position. My friend was increasingly frustrated by this and her unhappiness soon dominated our conversations. Once it became apparent that this was not a temporary problem, I suggested that she change employers.
Recently, she has become very upset, as some of her relatives who had been providing her housing and covering some of her expenses have told her that they will not be able to continue to do this indefinitely and have advised her to start making arrangements to live on her own. My friend has been worried about her future since and has been catastrophizing. Now, she’s suggesting that she could move in with me.
There will be a position opening up at my office soon, and I’m pretty sure I can get her hired if I recommend her. However, it is very similar to one of the positions she was recently fired from. I personally think that she has the capacity to do it and feel like if I just assisted her in finding her feet with it that it could work out.
: Something I didn’t get to in my response: I wonder if they’re really friends, or just law school classmates who know each other and talk about career stuff togetherThat’s what I was wondering too.
Oh, last thing: Feel free to lie about being unable to accommodate a roommate because you need to keep a room or bed available for an unnamed relative or friend. You don’t have to offer her any more details, unless you want to. The most important thing is to maintain some appropriate distance here.: I get that because you’re not confrontational , but I think it’s also okay to just say “I really like living alone and don’t want a roommate.
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