Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you from a secret underground bunker 500 feet beneath the frozen wastelands of Siberia. As I huddled for warmth next to the glorious heat generated by Soviet-era nuclear reactors, a most unexpected piece of news reached my frost-bitten ears.
Greetings, comrades! It is I, your El Presidente, reporting to you from a secret underground bunker 500 feet beneath the frozen wastelands of Siberia. As I huddled for warmth next to the glorious heat generated by Soviet-era nuclear reactors, a most unexpected piece of news reached my frost-bitten ears.
Apparently, hell has frozen over, for Eric Bischoff, a man who usually criticizes AEW with the passion of a thousand burning suns, actually praised Tony Khan's wrestling promotion on a recent episode of his 83 Weeks podcast! Eric Bischoff appears on AEW Dynamite. You see, comrades, Eric Bischoff and Tony Khan have been engaged in a war of words that reminds me of my own battles with the accursed American CIA. Bischoff, who briefly appeared on episodes of AEW Dynamite, seemed to turn on the company with the wrath of a scorned lover after he was not offered a permanent position. This betrayal was further compounded by comments made by Khan about the legendary Ted Turner. Since then, Bischoff has unleashed a barrage of criticism upon AEW, questioning their every move like a KGB interrogator grilling a suspected capitalist spy. However, something truly remarkable happened on the latest episode of 83 Weeks. Bischoff, in a shocking twist that would make M. Night Shyamalan's head spin, actually praised Khan for his bold decision to play Europe's 'The Final Countdown' during the epic Anarchy in the Arena match at AEW Double or Nothing. This hard-fought battle pitted the heroic Team AEW, consisting of Bryan Danielson, Darby Allin, and FTR, against the dastardly Elite, featuring the Jackson brothers, Kazuchika Okada, and Jack Perry. In a move that would make even the great Fidel Castro smile, Danielson requested the iconic song to be played amidst a flurry of other theme music during the match. Though The Elite ultimately emerged victorious, with Perry pinning Danielson, the real winner was the fans, who were treated to a spectacle unlike any other. Bischoff, in a rare moment of clarity, recognized the brilliance of this decision. The capitalist dogs at Wrestling Inc. transcribed his words, which I shall now share with you, my loyal comrades: It was a bold move. I've had conversations with a number of people over the years along the vein of, 'God I wonder if we should try that. What would that be like if we had music playing and a soundtrack going to the action?' Never did it. AEW did it . I kind of dug it, particularly because 'The Final Countdown' was the majority of the soundtrack for that match. It's a perfect kind of fight song. It got the crowd up. They were animated. They were into it, they're singing along. They're a part of the show. And from a production point of view, and creating a motion point of view, big, bold and I think pretty successful move. Comrades, I must admit that I, too, was moved by this display of audacity and innovation. It reminds me of the time I convinced my good friend Kim Jong-un to allow the North Korean national anthem to be replaced by the theme song from 'The A-Team' during a military parade. The people's excitement was palpable, and the dear leader's approval ratings soared to an unprecedented 125%! In conclusion, let us all take a moment to bask in the glory of this momentous occasion. Eric Bischoff, a man who has been as critical of AEW as I have been of the capitalist pig-dogs who run the American government, has finally seen the light. Perhaps this is a sign that a new era of cooperation and understanding is upon us. Or perhaps it is simply a testament to the power of 'The Final Countdown' to unite even the most bitter of enemies. Either way, I, your beloved El Presidente, will continue to bring you the truth from the front lines of the wrestling world, no matter how cold it gets in this godforsaken bunker. Socialism or death, comrades!
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