“I didn’t notice a single red flag. I thought he was a caring, loving man. In retrospect, I know that he was cunning,” said Amira Martin, a therapist and survivor of domestic abuse. “Be wary of too much, too fast.”
“We as Black people have a right to safety when we are being abused or hurt. … We have to push police to do their jobs and protect all victims of interpersonal violence,” said Amira Martin, a mental health therapist, adjunct professor at Columbia University’s School of Social Work, and author ofWe’re often told that if something—or someone—seems too good to be true, we should be skeptical and behave with caution.
Shortly after we tied the knot, he told me that he was having trouble with his business and needed money to get things stabilized. I gave him the money he wanted and even helped out on several catering jobs. Then I helped him open a restaurant. He said he’d always wanted to have his own place and he set up shop in the Bedford Stuyvesant neighborhood of Brooklyn. I put up $20,000 to get him started and was giving him between $2,000 and $4,000 a month during that first year.
I had my daughter on June 11, 2016, and this is when the abuse really ramped up. The day I brought the baby home, he threatened me. I didn’t know what to think but I dismissed the behavior as stress-related. Sometime after this he struck me across the face. The first time he hit me he ran to the bathroom afterwards and hid. He apologized, but the behavior continued. We went to couple’s counseling but it didn’t help.
I eventually moved five-and-a-half hours north of where we’d lived in New York City and am now in a remote, rural town.By the time you met your ex, you’d attended social work school and had earned a master’s degree. You were also a therapist. How much did you know aboutMy mom had been victimized by my father. She left him when I was 4 so I knew a bit about the subject. But when I met my ex, I didn’t notice a single red flag. I thought he was a caring, loving man.
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