Having autism made me a better mother— autismmonth
British author Laura James only learned that she had autism at the age of 45, after her kids were grown. Looking back, her parenting style was different from that of her neurotypical friends, but in many ways it helped—rather than hurt—her ability to parent.By the time I was diagnosed with autism in my mid-40s, my children were all but grown up. The eldest was 25, and the youngest was 18.
I had no idea why I functioned differently from my peers or why I couldn’t make life work. I internalized it as failure. I grew up at a time when children were blamed for not achieving at school. No one ever spoke to me about it, except to tell me that I must try harder.It is entirely conceivable that I could have gone my whole life without being diagnosed if it wasn’t for a simple twist of fate. I learned late that I have a connective tissue disorder called Ehlers-Danlos syndromes.
. Seeing everything from a child’s perspective has made me hyper-aware of just how difficult each stage of childhood can be. If my children said “no,” we would explore the reasons why they didn’t want to take part in an activity, wear a certain item of clothing or eat the food they had just been given. In asking questions, I got to know my children on a deeper level and, as a result, we have an unusual closeness.
If mistakes were made—and, of course, they were —I wanted them to feel like they could come to me before the problem spiralled out of control. I didn’t want them to ever feel like they had to hide or cover up something they had done. I wanted everything out in the open and for us to tackle it together., when they seemed to be on a suicide mission and there was no reasoning with them.
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