Now she’s dying, and I want to see her once more.
: My great-aunt is in heart failure and was told she has less than a year to live. Growing up, we had an amazing relationship, and she introduced me, as a little gay boy, to cosmetics; she would paint my nails and let me play with her makeup.
I wrote my college entrance essay on her and how she helped me fall in love with makeup. I have love for her and amazing memories, but we haven’t spoken in years. At my great-grandmother’s funeral, my great-aunt’s daughter and grandchildren made homophobic remarks toward me. My great-aunt didn’t say anything, which was extremely hurtful as I was only 16.
As a result, my immediate family doesn’t speak to any of them. I want to see her before she passes, but I don’t know how to go about it. I don’t want it to feel awkward. What should I do?
: You should go visit your great-aunt. Be in her company and thank her for seeing you for who you were when you were growing up. Remind her of how affirming she was to you and how much you valued that, because she didn’t judge you. Let her know in person how grateful you are for her love and support.
You don’t need to mention how her family behaved and their negative comments. She has no control over them and probably felt it would be awkward to say anything in the emotional setting of a funeral. Regardless, she was there for you at a pivotal time in your young life. Remind her of how important that was to you.
: I’m at a point in my life where I want to be in an exclusive, long-term relationship. I have been dating and have not been able to find that. A friend of mine suggested I try dating more casually. He urged me to just enjoy myself — whether the person turns out to be my husband should be the least of my concerns.
So lately, I’ve tried it his way. Someone I’ve known peripherally for about 10 years asked me on a date recently, and with my friend’s advice, I actually had a great time. Though I am still talking to other people, he and I have been rather steady and see each other consistently. Despite that, though, I was still surprised when he invited me to join him and his friends on his birthday trip next month.
Normally, I’d be wondering how serious we really are for us to be traveling together. But now, a part of me is wondering if it’s OK to just have fun abroad. Should I take him up on his offer or stay home and wait for our connection to grow when he returns? It sounds like you like this guy.
Why not go on the trip with him and his friends? It doesn’t have to mean you are exclusive, though it is clear that he is interested enough to choose you to be his companion on the trip. You can also ask him what it means to him about your relationship that he has invited you. See where that conversation leads so you are clear about his intentions.
Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to askharriette@harriettecole.com or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.
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