Hey, Dad. Happy Father’s Day.
Is that you, Disappointment? Thanks for calling! It’s funny, I was just thinking of how nice it would be to talk to Major Disappointment on Father’s Day, and look at who’s on the line: Mr. Letdown himself.
Last night during dinner, your mom and I were talking about you, Disappointment. I said, “Gina, when was the last time we heard from Failure? Three weeks? A month?” Has it really been that long since we talked, Big Embarrassment When My Friends Ask About You?Hold on just a second; let me tell your mother that you’re on the line. Hey, honey, Squandered Potential is on the phone! Yeah, it’s Underachiever.
You know, I actually just got off the phone with Younger Disappointment a little while ago. He also seems to be doing poorly. You two! So alike. Always never quite measuring up.Everything okay at that sad, cheap shithole of a living space you call an apartment? Be sure to give my best wishes to Woman You’re Settling For. I’m sure she’s just barely skating by at that job of hers that there’s no way in hell I’d ever remember.
Well, anyway, it was nice to hear from you, Disappointment. I really ought to get going, though. The One I’m Proud Of came to visit and we are all going to get Father’s Day lunch together. I hope you know how much your mother and I are both dissatisfied by you.
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