GOP Megadonor’s Bat-Wielding Goons Remind Clarence Thomas He Still Owes Him 500 Rulings

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GOP Megadonor’s Bat-Wielding Goons Remind Clarence Thomas He Still Owes Him 500 Rulings
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WASHINGTON—Casually sweeping a line of picture frames off an entryway table onto the floor with a crash, the bat-wielding goons of an anonymous GOP megadonor reportedly visited Clarence Thomas Friday to remind him that he still owes their employer 500 more rulings. “What’s the hold up, Clarence—did you forget we had a…

WASHINGTON—Casually sweeping a line of picture frames off an entryway table onto the floor with a crash, the bat-wielding goons of an anonymous GOP megadonor reportedly visited Clarence Thomas Friday to remind him that he still owes their employer 500 more rulings.

and yet here you are dragging your heels on returning the favor. Maybe tipping off the congressional ethics committee might speed things up, huh? Or, better yet, which one’s your gaveling hand? If you want to keep it, you’ll get us those decisions by the end of this session. Plus, 250 more as an interest on being late. We clear, Tommy Boy?” At press time, Thomas was seen attempting to flee the country after a Supreme Court ruling failed to gut the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

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