A writer grapples with the dilemma of giving a Christmas gift to her son's new girlfriend, whom she finds rude and disrespectful.
Advice on work, parenting, relationships and mental health from someone who has failed spectacularly (and also succeeded) at all four.A few years ago, my adult son brought home a new girlfriend for Christmas. She complained about the guests at a holiday party we took her to, wouldn’t eat the food at my other son’s house, and accused me of having bad politics. Needless to say, I didn’t love my time with her, but I thought maybe she’d just made a bad first impression.
Last year, however, was even worse: she said my grandchildren were poorly behaved and, to put it politely, actively ignored them at dinner. It takes a lot for me to say this, but I just really don’t like this woman and I don’t think that’s going to change. Because of his hectic work schedule, I only see my son a few times a year, and I don’t want to give him more reasons to skip visits. I think he knows that we aren’t big fans of his girlfriend (my other son, the one with the kids, has made this explicit) but I’ve tried to be somewhat diplomatic: she is still invited to Christmas. But do I really have to get her a gift? I don’t want her to feel unwelcome, but for some reason I just can’t stomach the idea of going to a store or browsing online and picking out something for her to enjoy. I don’t want her to enjoy things. Am I being too mean? Do I need to accept that she’s going to be part of my son’s life going forward and just get over it? Or am I right to feel like she’s violated our generosity and doesn’t deserve much more of it?Apart from being a source of light when the power goes out, situations like this are literally why candles were invented. I understand that you dislike your son’s girlfriend and that she has behaved rudely at previous Christmas gatherings. Nevertheless, you have to get her a present, and it should be a candle. Spend between $35 and $75 on a candle and wrap it and put her name on it and put it under the tree. There: gift problem solved. Larger problem … well, read o
FAMILY DISPUTE GIFT GIVING RELATIONSHIPS CHRISTMAS IN-LAWS
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