A reader grapples with a friend's lack of appreciation for her gifts and the ethical dilemma of using an inheritance to prolong her brother's life while also needing to ensure her autistic children's future security.
: I have a friend who helps me by driving me to out-of-town doctor appointments. I’m old enough to be her mother.Asking Eric: Do I tell my dying brother about my bad memories of him?
When giving gifts, we don’t get to dictate how they’re used. Indeed, the hope of the gift-giver is that they haven’t somehow misunderstood and given a gift that the recipient doesn’t have use for. We’re both retired, and he’s very, very sick, partly from past addictions. His insurance company kicked him off getting any more of his last-chance medication that could give him another one to five years of life, partly because of his own bad choices.
Is it OK if I actually let him die rather than use my own kids’ future security? It seems so wrong. Maybe my kids will be OK and learn to navigate the world without our extra money, while we know for sure my brother will die. And how will I feel with the money knowing I don’t have my brother?While this surely feels like a moral dilemma worthy of King Solomon’s arbitration, I think you should actually consult a financial adviser.
You should also talk to your brother. It sounds like you’re taking on the responsibility of keeping him alive – or, really, deciding if he should live. That’s too great a burden and I fear it’s causing you more pain.
Ethics GIFTS FAMILY BROTHER HEALTH INHERITANCE
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