As a senior lifestyle reporter at HuffPost, Brittany Wong covers stories about wellness and health, gender, relationships, internet culture and more. She’s previously written for the San Gabriel Valley Tribune, Angeleno magazine and GOOD. She lives in Los Angeles.
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As of late, Beyhive members have debated whether Beyoncé was “groomed” at 19 when she started dating Jay-Z, who was in his early 30s. In 2022, a then-20-year-old Billie Eilish caused a stir when she began dating Jesse Rutherford, a musician 10 years her senior.― are constantly debating the ethics of age gaps. Even if some relationships are perfectly legal, that doesn’t necessarily make them ethical, many say., Generation Z is well versed in unbalanced power dynamics and the language of consent. And lately, there’s been plenty of celebrity pairings to interrogate.Yes, they’re both consenting adults, but it was still unseemly, critics said. If anything, the argument that they’re both of age is “something groomers cling to,” as “Adulthood was meant to signify voting/draft age,” she wrote. “But everyone knows your prefrontal cortex is not fully formed at this age.” (This difference between“To some in Gen Z, age-gap relationships read as being inherently exploitative.” - Justin Lehmiller, a research Fellow at the Kinsey Institute and host of the "Sex and Psychology Podcast."a 2009 John Lennon biopic called “Nowhere Boy.” At the time, he was in his late teens and she was a mother of two in her early 40s.Some fans aren’t convinced. “We def aren’t talking about male grooming victims enough and this is literally proof,” one Then there’s the less expected critiques: Is four years too much of an age gap? “At 25, I wouldn’t even date a 21 year old,” readsabout the 10-year age gap reads: “jesse rutherford was alive during george h w bush’s presidency . billie eilish cannot legally drink.” Noncelebrity couples are getting called out, too. “I was 19. My now husband was 27. My now 13yo child calls him my ‘predator,’” oneAdvertisementA 2008 study found that age-discrepant couples reported experiencing significantly more social disapproval than even gay and interracial couples.new, according to Lehmiller, is how comfortable Gen Z feels about publicly and vocally disapproving of these relationships ― even on people’s personal Instagram pages. (recently spoke out against the “bizarre” online judgment they’ve received. Eilish and Rutherford brushed off the criticism from overly concerned fans by“To some in Gen Z, age-gap relationships read as being inherently exploitative because they perceive age discrepancies as necessarily creating a power imbalance that favors the older partner,” Lehmiller told HuffPost. What’s also changed is which parties tend to receive the brunt of the judgment. In the past, people were often scornful of both the younger and older partners in these relationships. Historically, the younger partners, especially when they were women, endured labels like “gold digger” ― with the implication that they were the ones doing the exploiting. That terminology doesn’t always fly with Gen Z. “That perception seems to have largely disappeared when you look at what Gen Z is saying,” Lehmiller noted. “They seem to cast the younger partners as victims who are being preyed upon or ‘groomed.’”older people dating younger people are groomers ― and this just isn’t accurate. It’s a really fear-mongering time we live in.”of their age: If you’re a 35-year-old woman, you’re probably less hung up on the idea of a 50-year-old guy expressing interest in you.“I think younger people may be more susceptible to manipulation and are therefore more afraid of it,” Engle said. “The reality is, age-gap relationships have been happening since humans have existed, and it is absolutely not some one-size-fits-all. In the vast majority of relationships like this, nothing untoward is happening.”Talking to actual Gen Zers, you’ll find that their opinions on age gaps run the gamut. As with most things, their takes on the subject are much more nuanced than those found on X, the platform previously known as Twitter, would have you believe.genuinely bothered by age gaps. While the #MeToo movement gave them the language to talk about power imbalances, some 20-somethings say their opinions are more colored by their own personal experiences.Layla — a 23-year-old who asked to use her first name only for privacy reasons, like others in this story — thinks it’s better to date within your own age group, ideally within a two- or three-year range. “When I was around 21 and 22, I tried talking to guys who were 30 and over but soon realized it wasn’t right,” she told HuffPost. “They had so much more life experiences than me, and it was awkward being from different generations.”Some fans question the beginnings of Sam and Aaron Taylor-Johnson's relationship. The pair met on the set of the movie"Nowhere Boy" when she was in her early 40s and he was in his late teens.Layla said she’d tried to joke and laugh about certain things ― a meme or a TikTok video ― and got a lot of blank stares. She wasn’t a fan of their humor, either: Men recounting the umpteenth “Seinfeld” episode or that one “Step Brothers” scene gets a little old after a while.“I believe a relationship between an 18- and 25-year-old is problematic,” Layla said, noting that this applies regardless of gender. “I actually wish women got called out for their predatory behavior, too,” she said. “It almost seems like no one wants to hold women accountable.”Mona, a 21-year-old college student in Georgia, even finds her own parents’ 11-year age gap a little “predatory”: Her dad was in his late 30s and a divorced father of one when he met her mom, who was in her late 20s and didn’t have children. Mona would date someone three years older. She wouldn’t consider going younger, though. “I do think that an 18- and 25-year-old together is unacceptable,” she said. She is particularly weirded out when she hears people talk about how their partner basically raised them or taught them “how to be a woman,” as“Any respectable adult would have the common sense that pursuing a teenager is extremely weird, and I also believe it says a lot about the headspace of the older person,” the 21-year-old said.Mona also thinks the COVID-19 pandemic might’ve been a factor in Gen Zers’ apprehension over age gaps. They might technically be 21, but given that weird few-year pause, they don’t feel it. “You hear about how we’re mentally the same age that we were when the pandemic first started,” she said. “That might play a role in why some people are not settling on older people pursuing them ― you feel you’re still too young.” Not everyone agrees. Rei, a 22-year-old who is queer, said they don’t find age-disparate relationships inherently problematic. They said there’s a lot more than age that gives people power over each other, and if you consider five years an “age-gap relationship” then Rei is currently in one.“Though my partner is older than me, I have a college degree and she doesn’t,” they said. “So arguably I have a better financial and career outlook that would make me the ‘abusive one,’ if you’re using that language.” Age gaps may be more common in the queer community, Rei said. “I don’t know a gay guy who hasn’t been with someone much older than him,” they said. “It’s just normal to us.” Problematic dynamics can exist no matter the age. “People now don’t know what grooming is and just use the term as synonymous with age gaps,” Rei said.To some extent, Rei sees the hubbub over age gaps as an overcorrection of the mores ushered in by the #MeToo movement. “People overadjust and assume that any relationship out of the norm is abusive,” they said. “In my experience, people who feel age gaps are problematic are also the same people who argue the internet is harmful and should be censored because they had a bad experience as a kid. Your experience isn’t universal.”Problematic dynamics can exist no matter the age, said Rei, 22."People now don't know what grooming is and just use the term as synonymous with age gaps," they said.For Amelia, 24, actual age matters less than the stage of life you’re in. She figures if you’re a relatively accomplished 28-year-old dating an accomplished 40-year-old, what’s the big deal? The word “grooming” really only applies when an adult is introduced to a future partner when they’re underage, Amelia said.as an “egregious” example of a questionable age gap. (The now-52-year-old comedian met Kelsi Taylor at a game night he hosted “Do I think it’s possible for people like that to have a healthy and happy relationship? Sure,” Amelia said. “But the older I get, my desireThat said, Amelia thinks that some Gen Zers take their judgment too far. To her, the concern over age gaps seems like a weirdly “‘looking out for’ a billionaire woman in her 30s. I’m a fan of Taylor Swift, but I don’t think she needs protecting fromThough Amelia overall disagrees with age-gap critics ― she feels like their arguments rob women of their agency, she said ― she gets where those in her peer group are coming from.“The majority of us had unsupervised internet access from a young age. We were in chatrooms, on Tumblr, and other various corners of the internet that we probably should not have been on at that age,” she said.If you’ve been oversexualized at a young age ― or seen others in your age bracket be oversexualized ― that experience is understandably going to shape how you perceive these kinds of things, Amelia said. But the reality is, there are likely just as many happy May-December unions as there are disappointing ones. “Believe it or not, we often see more ― not less ― equity in these relationships,” Lehmiller noted.All of the Gen Zers we spoke to said that ultimately, two consenting adults can do whatever they want in their private lives, even if others find it off-putting.be a creep, but some random person with a Twitter cartoon avatar shouldn’t necessarily be the judge of that!”I Fell In Love With A Man More Than Twice My Age. I Wasn't Prepared For What Marrying Him Would Mean.By entering your email and clicking Sign Up, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our
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