Madeline Cash, a writer and former editor of Forever Magazine, shares her experience of battling alcoholism and finding solace in Alcoholics Anonymous. She recounts her wild partying days and the gradual realization that something had to change. Her journey is marked by self-reflection, humorous anecdotes, and a heartwarming message of hope and recovery.
Every success was toasted with a well-earned drink, and each magazine issue was a testament to a prolific career in partying.“The Shining” is about a white-knuckle alcoholic’s descent into his disease and its effects on his mind, career and family. I didn’t learn this until recently. I just thought it was about how scary it is to be married to a writer.
But I don’t always know what it’s like when I drink. I’ve lost conversations, birthdays, weddings, a car. Once I drove home so drunk that I parked in someone else’s driveway. In the morning, when I didn’t find my car in its car spot, I assumed it had been stolen and filed a police report. In the beginning, I searched for sobriety loopholes. What about micro-dosing? What about drugs with which I never previously had a problem? What if I just drank on weekends and municipal holidays or after 5 and never alone? I tried to further escape myself. Can I get a dog? Get bangs? Get 90 days, said my sponsor.
I made more changes, giving away my Beanie Babies to a neighbor kid who’d never heard of Princess Diana but appreciated them all the same. To the kid, they were just bears.Shopping, caffeine, work, exercise — everything has become my higher power. I’m still lost. The designations I once had for myself — “editor,” “party girl” — are overwritten by less favorable ones. I don’t know what comes next, for the magazine or myself. Hi, I’m Madeline and I’m a _____.
ALCOHOLISM RECOVERY SOBRIETY WRITING PARTYING NEW YORK CITY
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