An inspiring story about the importance of expressing admiration and praise to those around us while they are still alive, based on advice from a cherished friend's mother.
When I was a girl, my friend Steph’s mother, Edie, an admired artist and calligrapher, drilled this into us: “If you have something nice to say to someone, say it. Don’t wait, because one never knows what tomorrow may bring, and it may be too late.” She referred to this as “flowers for the living.” The thought of bouquets falling from my lips was magical, but the words too late felt overly dramatic — bordering on scary — and inflamed my already searing fear of death.
Helen, age 95, and James Ella, age 97, both live independently in their homes. Since my mother’s death in 2011, they have role-modeled aging for me, each in their own way, but I have benefited from their fierce intelligence and wise beauty since I was a girl. Helen taught me to turn my worry into prayer when I was a young mother. James Ella took me in when my first marriage combusted.“I’ve been thinking about admiration lately,” I say, wiping my hands on a napkin.
“Thank you, Megan,” she says, lifting the flowered teacup to her lips. I have a moment of concern that I have put her on the spot, as if voicing my appreciation has broken an unspoken code. I tell myself to trust that my words will glide through her, warming her bloodstream like the tea she is sipping.I turn my attention to James Ella, whom I’ve known since I was 5.
1. “You have cultivated a lovely state of grace as you’ve grown older. You let things go instead of holding onto grudges. You set a good example for me.” The responses? “Thank you.” “Keep it coming.” A heartfelt hug. Friends begin to turn the tables. One tells me how my courage rubs off on her, helping her continue to pursue her dreams. Another tells me how she admires my “magic” ability to gather people together. But more than anything, they are all struck with the idea of paying it forward. They want to replicate this practice with friends.
Whether you give just one more time or sign up again to contribute regularly, we appreciate you playing a part in keeping our journalism free for all.Since I started passing out verbal flowers with intention, I’ve already noticed a shift in my perspective. This practice helps me conjugate affirmative thoughts for myself and others. It keeps me off the bumpy road of judgment. It gives me a template for authentic, uplifting interaction.
Admiration Living Appreciation Relationships Wisdom
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