A selection of entries from the novelist Thomas Mallon’s diaries, written in the 1980s, when he was trying to find his footing as a writer and New York City was in the grip of AIDS.
. 3: It’s been three years since I slept with Tommy. Will I make it to five? Will I stop worrying after that? Will I ever stop worrying? Part of me would love to gamble & take the test & rejoice if it turned out negative. But I can’t risk what would happen to my mind if it came back positive. I can’t do it. And a lot of doctors say one shouldn’t for that very reason: don’t risk the devastation.. 1: Labor Day, & no parade in New York.
. 1: Greg and I left phone messages with one another throughout the day & talked tonight. He went to the hospital. It turns out Joe won’t be dead until tomorrow. They won’t get the 3rd flat electroencephalogram until then; and only then can they unplug him. So his parents & Louis have begun to grieve while the machine is still beeping. And Greg tells me that the volunteer group he works for wants him to go to the Bronx; that’s where they’re dying fastest now . . .
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