If anyone has answers to the Big Questions — Is marriage still something to aspire to? How do I know when a partner is right? Why do so few people. in any romantic configuration, seem fulfilled? — it’s EstherPerel. So nayeema asked her these Qs and more
: Do I offer to pay on a first date? And what happened to the last boyfriend — the one she met? At some point, she let me dive in.
I believe even more today this notion that you can’t ask one person to give you everything. But it’s not just that — it’s that you absolutely need diversification of relationships. You need friends to bitch about your partner with. In the past, you met people on planes, in bars, in a line to a museum, you name it. And now if you try to talk to people around you, you’re weird. Someone says, “Can I buy you a drink?” and you think they’re creepy. Technology now mediates our relationships. And we have developed a major sense of social atrophy.
Look, I always make the distinction between love stories and life stories. There’s many more people you can love than people you can have a life with. There are a lot of people you can meet on a beautiful trip — you come from different worlds, but you have a moment of connection in a particular place. Beautiful, but those are love stories. Just don’t try to turn every love story into a life story.
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