The writer is struggling with the increasing distance from their father and stepmother, who seem less interested in spending time together. Despite their good health, they often decline invitations or are unable to commit to plans.
DEAR ERIC: My father and stepmother, who are in their mid 80s and in good health, live an hour away from us. My wife and I have had a good relationship with them for more than 40 years and we talk by phone at least once a week. We’ve always made it a point to include them in our family gatherings so that they could see their grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
If one of them has an appointment, then the day before and after is off limits for a visit. We missed getting together with them during the holidays because we were out of town. However, when we returned, I mentioned getting together three times and my dad responded that he didn’t know his schedule and would get back to me.
They’ve communicated part of this by setting the boundary around appointment days, for instance. It may just take a lot out of them. So, it’s not a case of them choosing their appointments over you, but rather them negotiating the new realities of their lives.You can make this easier on them and on yourselves by adjusting your expectations. Take the example of your stepmother’s children.
FAMILY RELATIONS AGING PARENTS COMMUNICATION BOUNDARIES ADJUSTING EXPECTATIONS
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