A young woman recounts a disturbing Christmas Eve event where her father was attacked. She details her struggles with substance abuse and the cyclical pattern of self-destruction that often follows her attempts to avoid it. The attack triggers a flashback to a previous incident where her father suffered a heart attack.
"I was in the middle of a conversation when everything took a sudden turn. I heard yelling and screaming outside. I rushed toward the front door, and my heart plummeted when I saw my father sitting on the steps. Blood was rushing down his face from an open wound on his forehead."Five years ago, a dangerous man sent my father face-first into the pavement outside a family Christmas party.
As a teenager, things were different. I began to experiment with drugs and alcohol to cope with childhood trauma from sexual violence. My struggles with these substances were never that I needed them all the time, but rather that I couldn't stop once I started consuming them. I do not have impulse control. If something is offered to me, for the majority of my life, it was nearly impossible for me to decline.
On Christmas Eve 2019, we were invited to a relative's home. Things were eerily normal, laid-back. It was calm before the storm. I poured myself a deep glass of red wine and jumped headfirst into bullshitting. I made the rounds, saying hello to each of my cousins, aunts, and uncles, and their friends and partners in the game of musical small talk.
The chaos had spilled out into the front yard. The dangerous man and his entourage were at the end of the driveway. People tried to hold me back as I screamed and bolted toward them. Before I could get close, the man extended his massive arm and, in one fell swoop, shoved me face-first into the concrete.
SUBSTANCE ABUSE FAMILY CRISIS TRAUMA VIOLENCE RECOVERY
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