Q. My 21-year-old son who lives with me recently broke up with his girlfriend of two years. This was not a mutual split. He has found another, moved on and his past girlfriend is very hurt. I under…
Q. My 21-year-old son who lives with me recently broke up with his girlfriend of two years. This was not a mutual split. He has found another, moved on and his past girlfriend is very hurt. I understand his decision, but I dearly miss his former girlfriend. She was part of our family for two years and I feel like I’ve lost a child. I would like to stay in touch. My son says he doesn’t care, but I don’t want to encourage the past girlfriend on my son’s behalf.
I’m an advocate of in-laws staying in touch with their children’s past partners, but that is based on the best interest of the children produced from the relationship. Then you are grandma staying in touch with your grandchildren’s mother or father. When there are no children, you really have to do some soul searching.First, you said the breakup was not mutual. Therefore, your ongoing relationship with your son’s past girlfriend may give her false hope of getting back together with your son.
The 10 rules of good ex-etiquette to which I often refer in this column are a guide for dealing with ex relations. Good Ex-etiquette Rule No. 8 is, “Be honest and straightforward.” In this case that means don’t try to secretly maintain the old relationship while cultivating the new. One or both will find out and both may feel betrayed. If you do talk to your son’s former girlfriend, be honest.
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