Q: My sister is getting married, and her fiance has asked my ex to be his best man.
My ex and I don’t get along very well and I have asked her fiance to reconsider many times, but he refuses to consider how I might feel. I am also in the wedding party as well as my two children, ages 10 and 12. Plus, there are other former couples who are invited who also don’t get along with their exes. What can I do? What’s good ex-etiquette?
Truth is, it’s not that your sister or her fiance don’t love you or that they are siding with someone else. It’s that they’ve formed a relationship with your ex over the years that’s completely separate from their relationship with you — and so they may not realize how insulted you feel. But there’s more here. You didn’t say if your ex was your children’s father, but let’s say he is. That means if your kids are 10 and 12, your ex could have been in your relatives’ lives for almost 15 years — maybe more. Plus, over the years, he has become your sister’s fiance’s best friend
That is why we have to separate out all these relationships and let them exist on their own. We can’t control how others act, just as we would not want them to dictate how we act.
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