Ex-etiquette: Bonus mom is asking for trouble

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Ex-etiquette: Bonus mom is asking for trouble
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Have to say it, your wife’s out of line, writes Jann Blackstone.

Q. My co-parent and I have two kids. I recently married a woman with two more children, a few years younger than my own. My wife insists on going to the children’s doctor and dentist appointments, which causes my co-parent to become extremely territorial and recently caused a huge brouhaha at the dentist’s office. The kids were there, and the receptionist threatened to call the police if things didn’t calm down. My wife still insists on going even after all that.

If not, you see what happens: Mom gets offended and feels that bonus mom is overstepping her bounds, which, quite frankly, she is. Unless your wife’s children have appointments on the same day and at the same office, there’s no reason your wife should attend your children’s appointments unless she’s asked to attend.

The war ended when we realized we needed each other’s help. Too many kids, too many working parents going in too many directions. As a result, there were many times my bonus kids’ mom was stuck in traffic and reached out to me or the kids’ father to take the kids to a previously scheduled appointment—and vice versa–but that was asking for help. And when done under the umbrella of cooperation and compromise, people are grateful rather than offended.

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