As her mother slips deeper into dementia, one caregiver has discovered a new way to communicate.
My mom and I had always been so close. We are fifth-generation Washingtonians, and I went to college and graduate school in D.C, so we always lived near each other and spent every birthday and holiday together. But she made me promise that I wouldn’t make her move in with me when she was old or sick. She never wanted to be a burden on me or my sister, and she even made me put that promise in writing. When she needed round-the-clock care, we found a wonderful group home for her.
, the only thing she said was, “Oh, that’s bad now, isn’t it?” I told her it didn’t matter what happened, because I would always be there for her. And that’s a promise I’ve kept.As my mom started to become less verbal, I found that one way to get her to open up and communicate with me was to bring over a box of Legos. The building blocks have always been a part of my life: I was born prematurely and had a lot of allergies, so I couldn’t go outside a lot in the summer.
I was talking to my best friend of 40 years, and I was just crying and crying about how much I missed my mom, and she just listened to me, and then a couple of weeks later a box arrived at my door. She had had created two pillows—one for me with a photo of me and mom, and the other for my mom with a photo of her, me, and my granddaughter. I called the group home and asked if I could come drop it off, and they said yes.
This past March, my mom was sent to the emergency room with acute liver failure. I was granted special permission to stay with her in the hospital, and even though she couldn’t talk to me, we listened to music—gospel, jazz, and oldies—and I fed her and read out loud to her. I even found the hospital’s menu in a drawer and she held it and read it over and over, like it was the most fascinating thing in the world.
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