A parent seeks advice on how to gracefully offer financial assistance for their son's wedding while respecting the bride's father's traditional desire to pay for the entire event. The bride's family is on a tight budget, leading to compromises and a sense of disappointment among the couple.
My son is engaged to a lovely young woman, whom my son’s mother and I like a lot. The bride-to-be’s father, a very nice man, announced that he would be paying for the wedding “as is tradition” in order to help the couple, as they are still just starting their careers. I told him that it was generous of him to offer, but that having the father of the bride foot the entire bill for the wedding was outdated, and asked him what expenses I could pick up.
He told me tradition states I should host the rehearsal dinner, to which I agreed. The problem is that I don’t think they can afford a wedding. I know from my son, and from having met them, that the bride’s parents don’t have a lot of extra money. As plans have progressed, it is clear they are taking shortcuts to save expenses -- things like asking family members (who are not caterers) to cater the wedding, and recruiting a friend (who is not a photographer) to handle the photos. I don’t think they are being cheap; they are just on a budget. My son has mentioned that he and his bride are a little disappointed at some of these choices, but that they don’t want to say anything since her father is paying. They do not want to look a gift horse in the mouth. I have been blessed to have done very well professionally, and could pay for a nice wedding without it being a burden. I would like to approach the father of the bride and say something along the lines of, “Don’t ask guests to work the wedding; let me pick up some of these bills.” I don’t want to insult him, though. It seems clear to me he is pridefully trying to host his daughter’s wedding without financial help. Is there a way I can again offer to contribute without insulting him?
Weddings Etiquette Financial Assistance Family Traditions Budget Constraints
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