In this week’s ‘Esther Calling,’ Esther Perel gets a call from a podcast listener in need of relationship advice about always running away from relationships once the honeymoon phase is over.
This week’s caller can’t stop leaving new relationships as soon as the honeymoon phase over. Reality sets in, he finds himself, and eventually bolts. “I end up in this pool of regret that I’ve just let this amazing person go,” the caller tells Perel. “It’s a continuous cycle that I’m looking to explore, hopefully break, or become better equipped to deal with for my future relationships.” Below, Esther Perel helps him locate this pattern in his parents’ dynamic and discusses how to break it.
At that point, coming to terms with being gay, I would kind of go toward my mother. She was very nurturing; she was very open and loving. I think it’s just easier to relate to her as a child. As I’ve grown older, and I’ve become more aware of my parents and who they are as people, I sympathize with my father more as a person. He’s a brilliant man, he’s funny, he’s caring, he’s kind, and a lot of these big fights, they were my mother reacting to dad not coming to dinner on time.
Let me ask you something. Did your relationships to the men change when your relationship with your dad improved?Yes, they did. There was a lot of resentment toward my parents, and I think that was probably a by-product of me not being fully comfortable with myself and not being fully out of the closet. Once that process of self-acceptance started for me and obviously being okay with who I was, I was able to build that relationship back with my dad.
One of the parting words that my parents always said to me when I moved out of home is that, “We’ll be fine. Go and live your life.” It just feels likeI can’t do that. This sense of being helpless and overwhelmed and confused filters into my romantic relationships because I see myself when I’m in these relationships and they’re good and they’re healthy and I feel like I’m in love.
Esther: I get it, but I’m gonna slow you down for a moment. Because you can describe the steps and I would like to see if we can go underneath the surface for a moment so that you get a different awareness of what is driving you. He says, “I’m anxious.” Your first response is, “I’m curious. I’m interested. I care.” And as you try to go back with him in the conversation, and he isn’t able to join you, you get frustrated.
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Esther Perel will see you nowThe relationship guru Esther Perel is expanding her empire through a live stage show where fans get to interact with her — and each other.
Read more »
Esther Perel Is Going on TourEsther Perel has spent her career bringing psychotherapy to the masses. Now, with a live tour, she’s doing it more directly than ever. She spoke to the Cut about her favorite cities and why she avoids horror movies and gossip at all costs.
Read more »
‘Our Relationship Ended Because He Was Too Close to His Ex’This caller’s concern is really about loyalty, Esther Perel says in this week’s ‘Esther Calling,’ and what she was taught to expect. Here’s what Perel recommends she do to work through this.
Read more »
Patrick Mahomes explains why he avoided calling for tight gun-control laws after shooting, endorsing presidentKansas City Chiefs star Patrick Mahomes explained why he avoided calling for tighter gun laws after the Super Bowl parade shooting and not endorsing a presidential candidate.
Read more »
Why is Japan changing its ban on exporting lethal weapons, and why is it so controversial?Japan’s Cabinet OK’d a plan to sell future next-generation fighter jets to other countries on Tuesday, its latest step away from the pacifist principles the country adopted at the end of World War II
Read more »
Why is Japan changing its ban on exporting lethal weapons, and why is it so controversial?Japan’s Cabinet OK’d a plan to sell future next-generation fighter jets to other countries on Tuesday, its latest step away from the pacifist principles the country adopted at the end of World War II.
Read more »