When I read about what had happened to Royal Artillery Gunner Jaysley Beck, the teenage soldier who is believed to have taken her own life after being harassed by her boss, one thing in particular stuck with me.
I've lost count of the amount of times I've heard that question asked in some form in response to a woman receiving unwelcome attention, or advances that once were seen as harmless that have now crossed a line. I've been asked it myself on numerous occasions.
But she would have no doubt been worried about what it could have meant for her. Jaysley was young, she was new and very junior. I can imagine what would have gone through her head: What will happen if I upset him? Will anyone actually understand why I've got a problem with this, or will they think I'm trying to cause trouble? Has he even done anything wrong - they're just a few messages? Surely if I just reply and keep him humoured - it'll all be fine.
We also saw similar questions asked recently when allegations emerged about TV presenter, actor and comedian Russell Brand. Social media was flooded with sceptics asking: "Why are they speaking out now - why didn't they say anything then?".There are many experiences I could draw on, but I can relate to Gunner Jaysley Beck in some way, because I have experienced unwanted behaviour from a boss.
Before I could even react he was out the door. My colleague, who was my friend, was gobsmacked. So was I.
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