This article explores the concept of 'friction-maxxing' and how it applies to fashion, particularly in the context of dating. The author reflects on her own experiences with fashion and dating, highlighting the pressure to conform and the benefits of embracing authentic self-expression. The piece also examines the influence of algorithms and technology on fashion trends and the potential for resistance through embracing individuality and unconventional styles. The author argues that embracing friction in fashion, as in life, can lead to more meaningful connections and empower individuals.
I am not someone who dreads getting dressed. I think about how I feel that day and where I’m going and then … just start trying. I care deeply about authentic self-expression and very little about fitting in, so it’s just a daily opportunity to play. When I travel during Fashion Month for work, my suitcase combinations are especially varied. One day, I’ll be telling a friend I feel like a “Milanese majorette,” then the next, “Amelia Earhart in Cavalli.
” But the one thing in my life that grinds all that giddy sartorial silliness to a screeching halt? Getting dressed for a date. The thought of earnestly meeting a stranger with the very slim chance you might connect? Instant dread. Preposterous! Ripe for conflict. I was recently reminded that one of the most fun first dates I’ve had was immediately following a fashion dinner, with absolutely no time to change. That meant I was wearing a poppy-red ruffled Roksanda dress so voluminous, it barely fit in a taxicab. I’d paired it with a peppermint trouser and a thick Dries Van Noten beaded necklace—not exactly va-va-voom. But my date was delighted, most likely because those red ruffles put me at ease and didn’t attempt to present a diluted, date-optimized version of me. The risk of showing up exactly as you are requires vulnerability and fortitude, but also, more importantly, a tolerance for friction.\Right now, it seems like everyone is talking about friction, and more specifically “friction-maxxing,” the deliberate choice to embrace small inconveniences and discomfort to improve focus and life satisfaction and counter today’s tech-driven culture of removing perceived “obstacles” and instant gratification. Meghana Indurti’s darkly satirical essay for The New Yorker went viral last week for poking at the way we “optimize” our lives, willfully choosing services and gadgets that remove effort and human interaction. But despite app language of “discovery,” “connection,” and “boosted productivity,” the picture Indurti’s essay painted was one of fearful isolation, not satisfaction. And all that time saved from AI-drafted emails and not picking up your own food? Something tells me you haven’t learned a new language or caught up with an old friend lately. I confess, I’ve sometimes fallen prey to optimization. With social friction a given, my initial date-dressing instinct tended to offer a watered-down version of myself, eschewing my favorite matador jacket for something more palatable to straight men. I felt the pressure of showing up like a prescribed “date outfit” hashtag. Shameful, I know! And perhaps unnecessary, considering my profile features a photo of me grinning in a Miu Miu floral swim cap. But I calculated that prioritizing the male gaze over my eclectic personal style would make dating a smoother experience, and for the most part, I was right: fewer confused faces, annoying questions, or bad jokes at my expense. Can you imagine being called “Doug Funnie” for wearing a gorgeous hand-knit Zankov sweater vest? Fashion does not operate in a vacuum, and it’s not immune to this anti-friction phenomenon. In fact, I am starting to think the big-tech agenda of “optimization” and the pursuit of seamless, controlled lives might be a reason for the expansive and numbing sameness we are witnessing: in the market, in ad campaigns, in “personal style.” Everyone loves to talk about fashion being led by “the algorithm,” but it’s mostly true. Bots, humans with affiliate link revenue, data, and the like are constantly telling us what to buy, when to buy it, how to wear it. So what does resistance against this kind of flat dressing look like?\It might seem counterintuitive to embrace friction at a time when the world feels so volatile. And yet it’s well documented that some of the most significant fashion innovations came during times of unrest: Dior’s New Look as a sculpted, hyperfeminine counteroffer to years of utilitarian wartime garb; the miniskirt at the intersection of the sexual revolution, women’s liberation, and the rebellious youth movement. As we continue to live through historical firsts in rapid succession—a global pandemic! Erosion of civil liberties! Drastic climate change!—it’s possible that if we resisted the urge for optimized, curated lives, we might unlock something that would sartorially empower us (on first dates and everywhere else in life). The most frictional fashion show this past September might have been Versace, in that it caused instant and intense discourse. Among the slew of new creative directors, Dario Vitale’s proposition cut through the noise. Tantalizingly cool and unapologetically queer, this raw Versace was entirely different from Donatella’s slick, digestible sex appeal
Fashion Dating Self-Expression Friction-Maxxing Authenticity Style Optimization Trends
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