We can be jealous and happy for others at the same time.
Identifying and validating conflicting feelings benefits emotional well-being and relationships.Having something that others want or need can bring up a mixed bag of feelings. Opposite feelings can and do co-exist inside us all.
For example, you may be overjoyed by the job promotion you wanted so badly. At the same time, you may feel so bad because your friend and co-worker did not get that promotion.We certainly don’t want to deny our joy and pleasure or have it negatively affect our relationships or make us feel that we have to retreat into isolation. And we definitely don’t want to cheat ourselves out of feeling happy and excited.
When we allow irreconcilable feelings to exist simultaneously without trying to reconcile them, there is space for more good feelings and mutual care to exist. There is room for us to feel happy and grateful as we hold compassion and concern for another person’s loss.When we are the ones who didn't get what we wanted, we can apply some of the same principles. For example, a very good friend of mine is an aspiring writer. When I landed the book deal, she said to me,"I am so jealous, and I am so happy for you."It’s now a shared emotional moment where each of us understands the other.
Next time you feel guilty for having something good, shift from guilt to gratitude and see how that feels. And, the next time a friend gets lucky instead of you, allow yourself lots of room for both your feelings ofIt’s Not Always Depression: Working the Change Triangle to Listen to the Body, Discover Core Emotions, and Connect to Your Authentic SelfAs the lines between real and fake blur, Americans increasingly chase the idea of authenticity.
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