Does it really work to date within a marriage? Bill de Blasio and Chirlaine McCray are about to find out
For many, the de Blasio-McCray marriage was a beacon of what family values among progressives could look like. They were an interracial couple, both career-minded and smart, she was six years older than he, and she had identified as a lesbian when they met, and they made it work. Their new chapter seems again to be stretching the traditional model of marriage. They are not divorcing, nor at this stage moving out, but they are exploring the process of dating other people.
Most therapists say such relationships are workable but take a lot of effort, openness, and communication. “The successful ones do it with care and with thoughtfulness,” says Stan Tatkin, a Los Angeles-based therapist and researcher whose latest book isHe says it’s important to have discussions about “what could go wrong, and what do we do if it does, and how are we going to do this so that we remain intact.
Kauppi believes that until couples can see and understand their own and each other’s desires clearly, they will not be able to abide by any agreements they may otherwise make just to avoid a conflict.
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