I have no one but myself to blame. Having been put on enforced leave for a week because of the dire economic situation as a result of the Covid-19 lockdown, I was concerned that I would die of boredom.
It was really stupid of me, I know, but I mentioned this to the missus, who decided it would be a good idea for me to repaint our kitchen cupboards and drawers, which were covered in a peeling, unattractive, pseudo-pine laminate. “Distressed white,” she declared. “That would look really nice.” “Distressed” white? Growing up, white was white. But a quick search of the internet confirmed that times have, indeed, changed.
There was Cloud White, Snow White, Brilliant White, Pure White, Dove White, Chalk White, Simply White, Lace White, Super White, Extra White … the list went on and on and on. I removed doors and drawers, used a heat gun to loosen the old laminate before I scraped it off, sanded everything to clean the surfaces and then used a scouring pad to apply a streaky coat of white, allowing for some of the raw wood to show through.
I am no spring chicken, and I spent the next few days of my enforced leave hobbling around like a 90-year-old with arthritis. Some muscles had gone into spasm, and I was convinced the condition was probably terminal.
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