“Nobody says ‘yes, please’ or ‘no, thank you’ anymore.”
Dear Miss Manners: I teach seventh grade in a suburban school. I have noticed an increasingly unsettling trend as I walk around the room to check on students: Nobody says “yes, please” or “no, thank you” anymore.
I have tried to remind them in many different ways what the polite response is, but it never really seems to stick. Finally, I decided to invoke Miss Manners. I told them all about you and how Miss Manners, who is a real person, would like to remind them the proper way to respond to questions. Only by taking on the persona of someone else have I seen any success in their responses. What would you say to 12-year-olds to impress upon them how important this is?Sorry. The idea of frightening children into basic courtesy scares Miss Manners. But since you say it works, she will try to get over that. Surely seventh graders are capable of understanding that people need to get along with one another, rather than living in a constant state of alarm, suspecting that others mean us harm. Unfortunately, they have been taught to evaluate online communications with that cynical approach.But in real life, we have developed a code to indicate that we are not bullies making demands, but rather that we harbor goodwill toward others. “Please” means that, although they are asking for something, compliance would be appreciated. “Thank you” expresses that appreciation. And now Miss Manners must express her appreciation to you for insisting on teaching a skill that will contribute to those children’s success. Dear Miss Manners: My fiancé has a friend who tries to pinch pennies anywhere he can, but who also brags about how much money he makes.In the past, he has invited us to his house for parties, and he says he’ll be making food . We always bring alcohol, but he always mentions that we should bring some, as if we weren’t going to. The day before the party, or even during it, he asks my fiancé to throw him some money, like $20 to $30. I’ve always been under the impression that when someone hosts a party, they shouldn’t expect money since it was their idea.Because of these behaviors, we have seen this friend less and less lately, and so have others. He has a party coming up that we said we’d go to, but I know he’s going to do the same things.He’s not even a bad host; he’s not a host at all, as he charges admission to his dinner. Miss Manners thinks you might want to consider whether you are getting your money’s worth out of this connection.Dear Miss Manners: Is it proper for a couple on a date to sit next to each other on the same side of a booth in a restaurant to have dinner? My friend says that it is inappropriate and should never be done.There are a great many things that Miss Manners can think of which couples should not do in restaurants. But sitting side by side is not one of them. The features provided by Andrews McMeel Syndication are copyrighted material and all rights are reserved. You may not reproduce any of these features or distribute them electronically, in print or otherwise without written permission from Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut, Kansas City, MO 64106, 255-6734.Judith Martin's Miss Manners column has chronicled the continuous rise and fall of American manners since 1978. Readers send Miss Manners not only their table and party questions, but those involving the more complicated aspects of life - romance, work, family relationships, child-rearing, death - as well as philosophical and moral dilemmas.
United States Latest News, United States Headlines
Similar News:You can also read news stories similar to this one that we have collected from other news sources.
Miss Manners: Every year I get hit with the big, bad cakePlus: They’re having a pub crawl for a friend who died from alcohol abuse. Can I skip it?
Read more »
Dear Miss Manners: Is there a polite way to pass along ‘fat’ clothes?“Is it rude to basically say, ‘I’m skinny now and don’t need these “fat” clothes, but I thought you could use them’?”
Read more »
Miss Manners: We heard that the bride’s father was ranting about usOur shower gift cost $100. Did we really owe another one?
Read more »
Teaching kids to create spaces they love is a lifetime gift.The goal of spring cleaning isn't to get rid of stuff, it's to create spaces in which you can thrive. Helping kids build good decluttering skills provides with a core life skill.
Read more »
Miss Manners: How to deal with disrespectful studentsAdvice from Judith Martin, Nicholas Ivor Martin and Jacobina Martin.
Read more »
Miss Manners: Am I being too dramatic about my fiance’s off-putting friend?Plus: I was told it’s wrong to sit next to my date in a booth.
Read more »