A therapist shares advice for facing common holiday conundrums: 🎁 Unwanted gifts 🗣 Rude family 🗓 A usurped holiday break
a podcast he uses to deliver what he calls"self-help in a shot glass." This conversation has been edited for length and clarity.I'm single and my parents keep guilt-tripping me into using all my vacation time to visit them for the holidays.
I love my parents, but my only vacation time is Christmas and New Year's and I have other things I want to do with my time off. Of course, my married brother isn't expected to come by for more than a day. How do I visit them without getting stuck?It's Not Me, It's You: Break the Blame Cycle. Relationship BetterPhotograph by Sarah Williams; Collage by NPRnone of that has to do with [how flexible you should have to be with your time].
You have to draw boundaries. If you want to do something else for the holidays, that's OK. People's feelings are going to get hurt. You're going to feel guilty. [And it will be on you] to work through that guilt. But your parents are not going to disown you because you didn't come home for Christmas.
Don't set boundaries without communicating. Be honest and say,"Hey, this is what I think I need. I'm sorry if it hurts your feelings." And the way they take it is on them. But you've got to give yourself permission to give yourself that space. No one else is going to do it for you.
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