How do you deal with family who are no longer social distancing?
I know the pandemic has impacted everyone’s lives. I have pre-existing conditions that make me more susceptible to COVID-19. Our immediate family is very careful: We always wear masks outside of the house, at work, and at school. We get grocery pick-up, attend church virtually, and only attend small, outside events with our friends and family. My frustrations are that our friends and my mother-in-law don’t do anything to protect themselves.
It is likely that your mother-in-law, and some of your other nearest and dearest, have heard from people whose opinions they regard more highly than yours that the pandemic is largely overstated, that “only” populations that are considered expendable will be impacted severely and that they needn’t do much, if anything, to stay safe. You can, and should, continue to challenge this by presenting factual information that refutes the myths they seem to have chosen to believe.
As a result, when my little sister was born, I essentially became her caregiver before I was out of kindergarten, while my dad was elsewhere and my mom spent probably 80 percent of the time sleeping. For all of our issues, we all do love each other. But this has been the situation for years and years now, and I’ve become my sister’s mother, mymother, and my father’s emotional support system, even as I was a severely neglected child, then teen, then adult.
I have responded minimally and only calmly and gently because I know she’s in a lot of pain, too, and I know she’s only saying the nasty things she is because she’s struggling and knows she can lash out against me without fear that I’ll throw her away like our parents might. But I’m hurting deeply, nonetheless. I feel like I’ve always prioritized everyone else’s feelings, haven’t been allowed to be sad or angry or in pain because my mom or sister’s needs were always more significant.
Considering the small age difference between the two of you, it totally stands to reason that you’d want to abdicate the responsibilities of mothering a person in their early 20s. Explain that to your sister as plainly as possible: You stood in the gap for her because she needed a caregiver and your parents were falling short.
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