I want him to know that I didn’t mean it. But I’m worried I’ve ruined our relationship.
People say that we remember the bad things more than the good ones. I could apologize 10 more times, I could tell him “I love you” every day, but I’m scared he’ll only be like, “Remember that time in the car? She probably hates me secretly” -- even though I love him a lot and he’s one of the best things that happened to me. I feel horrible about what I said to him.DEAR CONFUSED AND REMORSEFUL: You need to stop beating yourself up and start giving yourself some grace.
First and foremost, however, it’s important that you deliver an effective apology. Be specific about what you are sorry for, and explain to him the context of the situation without making excuses for yourself. Show him that you understand the pain your words must have caused, and explain to him why it took you three days to reach out. Your letter to me here is a great template to use for your apology.
“How Can I Forgive My Cheating Partner?” is out now! Annie Lane’s second anthology -- featuring favorite columns on marriage, infidelity, communication and reconciliation -- is available as a paperback and e-book. VisitIf you purchase a product or register for an account through a link on our site, we may receive compensation.
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